I was at a press conference – to explain all my cross-dressing photographs that had been spread all over the media.
Questions were being pumped at me unmercifully.
“Tiko? Are you prepared to name any other famous transvestites?”
“Any other transvestites in the City Team?”
“Do you have special friends you go cruising with?”
“What size bra do you use, Tiko?”
“Do you change panty-liners at half time?!”
I started to sob. Shoulders visibly shaking. I thought I might faint.
A deep, booming, deafening cockney voice exploded the proceedings into silence.
Out of vision, the voice said
“OK. Stop this! Stop this nonsense now! Everyone shut the fuck up. Now!”
Enter Al. In a gruesome dark-green three-piece suit. Quite dashing if you were tall, but Al is only five feet two. As if to balance his short stature he was accompanied by two thug-like Eastern European types. Each looking seven feet two. Dressed in smart grey trendy suits and looking commanding and colossal. Standing in front of the dais. A naïve paparazzi took a photograph. One of the thugs, the blond one, ripped the young shutterbug from his kneeling position, extracted the camera, which he threw crashing against the wall. He held up the offender with one hand.
“Anyone else attempt to take another photograph and we will shove his camera so far down his gullet he’ll be fartin’ flash bulbs,” said Al.
The blond thug dropped the young paparazzi to the floor.
“Er…are you a friend of Tiko’s?” said a brave local radio reporter. Al approached the reporter, who quickly held his hands up in apology. Then Al roars. His gold chain necklace twinkling under the strip lighting.
“Do not, repeat not, piss me off more than you have done this mornin’!”
Two security guards dash in and then stop dead. Thrown a trifle off balance by the silence that now reigns over the press conference and of course by the two threatening Eastern Europeans.
“Come on Tiko. Chop-chop!” said Al and held out a hand; and soon I was at his side and together we made for the exit – followed by a babble of expletives and protests from the press hounds who tried to pursue us but found that exercise difficult when the two Eastern Europeans blocked the entrance with their bulk.