Red Dress Revolution – Part I

It’s the end of a journey.  Full of adventure, mystery, excitement, love and sex, laughter and tears. War and conflict.

Al, my agent has introduced me to Peter who has spent the last few days holding a mike in front of my mouth.  Peter is an author and he is ghost writing my book – asking me questions about my life – from when I first moved to the despicable slum of Kitanye and how I was talent spotted by a  Priest playing football for the local youth club and how within a year I was playing for the Nilemwe national side at the African Cup of Nations in Gabon.

How I signed for Melchester City and played in the FA Cup at Wembley and the Premier League – all the time hiding my secret as a cross-dresser. Until I was finally exposed on TV – caught wearing a stylish red dress. My friend Oscar had carelessly leaked photos of me cross-dressing at the Zebra Club, smooching on the dance floor, wearing full make-up and a bright electric blonde wig.

So now I’m back in Chanzo City, Nilemwe where next season I will play for Chanzo Eagles in the Nilemwe Premier League. My ‘career’ with Melchester City is over. But deep down I’m not too upset. Football in Europe remains narrow-minded and contaminated at every level by corruption, only concerned that the sport is an industry, to make money at every turn. Footballers in Europe long ago lost touch with the fans who support them. Ticket prices are beyond the reach of the working man In England. The supporters of football have no voice. They are brainwashed by the media. Zombies who have no idea of commonality or brotherly love, who think winning is the only option. Players in England are even prepared to appear on TV celebrity talent competitions or advertise gambling,  or underwear or cold cream and spend sinful amounts of money buying flash cars and flaunting glitzy girlfriends. No-one plays the game for love any more. In Nilemwe I will try to make it different. We need to take back football from the corporate media grovelling professional clubs and give it back to the people – where it belongs.   And if we do that perhaps we can be more tolerant of players like me who cross-dress. Perhaps we will tolerate homosexuality and trans gender and all the other so called minority activities that keep many talented professional footballers hiding in the closet.

But my book  will not be a political manifesto. It will be full of excitement and adventure, witty and thought provoking. Al says it looks like it’s going to be unique. Based on a true story of rags to riches success. An African tale of conflict, corruption and cross dressing. How the hero, Tiko, is one of Africa’s best football talents and really ought to have been the toast of the English Premier League – except that he had one slight problem.

Peter wants to call it RED DRESS REVOLUTION. Well, he seems to know best.

The book will be based on my story. My name is not really Tiko Namutebi. Nilemwe is not a real country but based on a country in East Africa. Melchester City is not really the name of the club in the English Premier League. These names have been changed for obvious reasons.

An international footballer who cross dresses?

You’ll never read anything like it.


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